My toddler, like most toddlers, loves music. He constantly wants something playing so that he can dance to it or read with some background noise. I play him a little bit of everything, usually off of Youtube or Spotify when we are at home (he has his own playlists).
When we are out and about in the car, I turn on the radio for him. He loves nearly everything, except Adelle’s “Hello”, that one makes him cry. It is both adorable and heartbreaking.
I’ve been less inclined to turn on the radio in the car recently and I’ve been very selective of what I listen to at home as well.
The reason is pretty simple. A lot of the music on the radio made me unhappy and discontent.
I’ve changed the stations until I’ve gone through every preset I have, but most of the music is the same. A lot of the songs center around partying, breakups, cheating, stealing another man’s woman, and on the occasion that there is actually a nice song about a happy, healthy relationship, I remember that the singer is now divorced.
Divorce is actually one of the main reasons I’ve taken my mood changes with music so seriously. I know that what you surround yourself with will soon be what you think and feel, at least, if you are in a spongy/vulnerable stage (I live there, my personality is incredibly spongy).
I don’t want to surround myself with media that my conscience is telling me is bad for me (made obvious by our recent TV show decision), so I have turned off the radio for now.
I’m not inclined to ignore the warning bells. Especially since many of my peers have broken off their long-term relationships, engagements and marriages recently. That is something I find myself acutely aware of every time I log in to my Facebook and find another couple or household has decided to call it quits.
Still, I had my doubts about my decision with the radio, thinking to myself that maybe I was overreacting, and telling myself I shouldn’t be so sensitive. It wasn’t until this morning when I posted an article I’d found (which is fantastic by the way, check it out here: It’s Time To Break Up With Your Imaginary Boyfriend) in a Christian marriage/sex group (ladies only) to share with them that I felt confident in my decision.
To be surrounded by a group of supportive women that have a vested interested in the sanctity of marriage is truly a blessing and I value their input on subjects surrounding marriage. When I shared the article, I mentioned that with many of my peers getting a divorce, I thought the article was timely and something that they might appreciate as much as I did. I also shared my thoughts with them, though slightly undeveloped, about my situation with the radio in the comments.
As I typed out my comments, I mentally worked through the situation and realized the reasons why the songs bothered me.
For one, none of them remind me of my husband. It makes me feel like we are abnormal because I can’t relate to a lot of the music on the radio, at least the popular stuff. Songs about relationships on the radio seem to paint men in two different lights: perfection or disaster/jerk, and my husband is neither of those.
The songs with perfect guys made me notice my husband’s flaws when they are generally not on my radar (because I don’t want mine to be on his radar) and the ones where everything is a disaster and the guy is a jerk made me wonder if that is really the inevitable end of all relationships, given what I am seeing/been told by all of the divorces happening around us (which is at the forefront of my mind considering our marriage has now outlasted at least half a dozen couples I know and we’ve only been married just shy of two and a half years).
My husband and I went on a road trip recently and bought some music together. I mused at the time, having not yet worked through my thoughts about the music on the radio, that we didn’t have any music together before that point. All of the music we owned represented our separate lives before each other. There was only one song we’d mutually agreed on for our first dance at our wedding, given our starkly different musical tastes up until recently. He likes to remind me of his visceral dislike for country music by telling me about the time in his life that he set his alarm clock to wake him up with it so he would be motivated to turn it off as quickly as possible. (Love you dear! 😉 )
The new CDs we chose together is what I will begin playing in the car from now on. I have always known music can have a powerful influence on your mind and mood, but I was unprepared for it to effect me the way it did. I’m thankful for the support I have in making decisions unique to our marriage to avoid discontent and strife (something I have historically been missing). Now here is hoping our toddler approves of the new CDs!
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