I have a confession: I have anger issues.
Not the “beat the crap out of someone” type angry issues, but the “passive aggressive, hold a grudge forever and a day” type of anger issues. It’s not that I don’t forgive easily, but if you are a repeat offender I’m not so great at forgiving you 70 times 7…This is especially true is you are hurting other people who don’t know how to stand up for themselves.
This usually doesn’t pose much of a problem in my everyday life, because I avoid people who are bad for my blood pressure. However, the people who have walked into my life (and I subsequently told them not to let the door hit them where the good Lord split them) in the last few years have seriously tried my patience and done their best to destroy my faith in humanity. Dealing with trolls on my blog has made me easily agitated in the last year and I’ve considered completely removing my comment section because of it.
My anger issues weren’t really on public display until Facebook and my New Crunchy Mom blog. Since then they have become apparent in my posts where I lampooned various mommy groups for being particularly insufferable.
I never saw a problem with this (especially in my newly sleep deprived mommy state), hoping that it’d be a wake-up call to the mean girl type bullies and a welcome defense for those being bullied. It was both, thankfully, but some things have happened since then to make me rethink the content I put out in the future.
I have several wise women of varying ages who are there for me when I need their counsel and advice. At least three of them have told me, in various words that are much nicer than my paraphrased version, that I need to take a chill pill for my anger and frustration, particularly when it comes to the blog. While I wholeheartedly agree with them and am extremely thankful I have people who will tell me like it is. What really struck me though was their reason why they said what they did.
One woman told me that my anger issue was going to hurt my ministry, which is what she saw my blog as. I had never thought of my blog as such, and it took me a bit to mull over in my mind as to what I thought of that and if I needed to change my behavior because of it. Shortly after she said that someone else referred to my blog in very similar terms. That has happened numerous times now, much to my surprise and interest.
When I left New Crunchy Mom behind, I made it clear that I wanted to focus on more Christian topics, which is basically the gist of my “about” page, but I fully intended to write about a whole host of things, which I do. Because of that, I wasn’t thinking in terms of testimony and I certainly wasn’t thinking of it as a ministry. While I grew up in the church, my church was much different than the churches around us and there wasn’t much talk about a person’s testimony or of people having ministries.
Since these conversations of my blog and my actions being spoken of in those terms, I’ve spent some time turning it over in my mind and I’ve subconsciously changed much of my content. I had previously been scared to write about Christian topics, even after making it clear that I wanted to on this blog, but with this revelation I’ve found encouragement that if people think my blog is a ministry, then surely my content will be an encouragement to at least a few people who need it. I can handle trolls if it means people are benefiting from what I write.
I hope that going forward, this change will be reflected in my writing, as it seems to have been in the last few posts. I used to tell people James was my favorite book of the bible due to what it says about a person’s speech. I think I need to hang a few of my favorite verses from it on the wall or on sticky notes on my computer. 😉
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