My husband and I decided to reflect on the events leading up to our relationship, our young marriage, and the support (or lack thereof) that we received. Here is our chat about it. I think my favorite part was him saying, “Let’s start a rumor!”
Hey there! 🙂
Here is the third podcast of our trial run series, which appears to be going well so I think we will be making more soon. This podcast is about childhood memories in nature!
I grew up in an agricultural community, so I spent a lot of my childhood playing outside and interacting with plants and animals. I think that being out in nature for children is not just important, it is essential. Here are some of my favorite childhood memories from being in the great outdoors and why I think they were good for me.
Do you have any great childhood memories from being in nature? Tell me about them!
Here is my latest video. This is what I, as a purity culture survivor, plan to teach my son about women, relationships and purity. My head is partially cut off during the first bit of the video, sorry about that!
Buy my brand new book here!
“A chewed up piece of gum.”
These cringe-worthy phrases from Christian purity culture ingrained themselves in the minds of the impressionable youth of my generation. Fearing the destruction of their children’s bodies and souls as the world around them became caught up in pushing a progressive sexual agenda, our parents and thought leaders rose up and sought to fight back against the lewdness and promiscuity surrounding us.
Unfortunately, their approach was entangled with fear and pain, going so far as to criminalize all forms of affection. This bore fruit of unprecedented physical, mental, and spiritual consequences as our worth and identity were found in what we did and didn’t do sexually, not in Christ and His sacrifice for us. The heavy-handed and legalistic emphasis on sexual-purity-at-all-costs left a legacy of emotional and spiritual devastation in its wake that follows many even into adulthood.
This book takes a vulnerable look at these issues through the eyes of someone who experienced it firsthand. It seeks to identify what purity culture got wrong and bring peace to the hearts of those whom it has wounded so deeply, by exposing the truth: It is Christ who makes us pure.
My old website was called “New Crunchy Mom“. I’ve talked a little bit about how I decided on that name previously, but the long and short of it is that when I got pregnant with my son, I was added to a bunch of online “crunchy groups”. They were all variations of the name “crunchy mom” and contained a lot of the same people since they were generally local groups. I’ve since left almost all of those groups and quit using the term completely, and a lot of people have asked me why.
I’ve often been asked, “What is a crunchy mom?” (most assuming it is something to do with food, which is a good guess). It is really different for everyone, but the urban dictionary nails it pretty well here:
“Crunchy persons tend to be politically strongly left-leaning and may be additionally but not exclusively categorized as vegetarians, vegans, eco-tarians, conservationists, environmentalists, neo-hippies, tree huggers, nature enthusiasts, etc.” Source
The part that I actually fall under is really kind of narrow, actually. I’m not vegan, vegetarian, or politically left-leaning (far, far from it – I’m not particularly right-wing either). The reason I used the term was due to the fact that we fit with choosing more natural options in our household and eat very clean like many of the other crunchy mothers. I was told that I planned on doing a lot of things like breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, organic foods, and other things that fit the “crunchy” lifestyle.
Unfortunately, I was not told about the more left-leaning aspects and social justice warrior side of the “crunchy” groups and was unprepared for how large of a presence that would have in them.
Now, if I am perfectly honest, anyone can be a total butthead, from any political background. I’ve just found that this subset of the population to be insufferable. Not everyone in it, of course, I still have a few “crunchy mom” friends. In fact, when I decided to leave behind my old site, many of the nice crunchy moms that I know seemed a little wounded that I was separating myself from the name (because they call themselves crunchy moms) due to the negativity, anti-Christian and political focus that I saw at large. I continue to keep in touch with them though because they don’t see fit to breathe fire every time I talk about doctrinally sound Christianity,when I give my toddler canned baby or get angry that I have given up on attachment parenting.
I noticed that for all the talk of “support” and “inclusive community”, it is, at the base, simply a lie within these circles. Now, I don’t fault anyone for the exclusivity. I think that the social push for inclusiveness in every situation is a literal poison for relationships and social settings. Long story short, crunchy moms (or moms groups in general, really) groups in my experience are full of false advertising when it comes to support. Unless you fit the mold, you are gonna have a hard time.
I didn’t fit the mold.
Do I care? Not really.
My life is a lot less stressful without sanctimommies and fire-breathing, arm-chair politicians scrutinizing my Facebook profile. It wore on my health to be around people who were always offended, always angry and always looking for an opportunity to call someone ignorant.
All mommy groups are different, and I am still in several groups, but only one or two actual “crunchy” groups. I only tolerate the ones that truly believe in respecting other people and being helpful and supportive. I value my time and attention too much to give it to people who live for their next Facebook fight or political clash (while pretending that what they are all about is helping other moms).
Ultimately though, I am just not a fan of labels. Considering I studied Sociology in college, this may come as a bit of a surprise, but it is true. I’ve been labeled as so many things in my life, and taught that labels were important (and they are in some situations). I just don’t accept that for motherhood. No one is fully one type of parent or another and really, it doesn’t matter.
What matters to me, and the reason why I transitioned to this website, is that the only identity or “label” I want to be known by: Christian.
I don’t want to hang out in circles where I can’t say I’m a Christian without being blamed for things I had nothing to do with or being told that I am what is wrong with the world. That I “judge people” while simultaneously being “judged” based off of the fact that I have said I’m Christian. Talk about hypocrisy.
I don’t use the term crunchy anymore because I don’t like the things it is associated with. I don’t want to be included in a group of people who harass, bully, attack, create and thrive off of drama. It isn’t healthy, and I don’t want people thinking that I condone those things. I’d rather stand for the folks who have also seen this behavior and choose to distance themselves, or at least call themselves “Crunchy Christians”, rather than support these groups.
The world isn’t going to end just because I’ve chosen not to ally myself with a parenting style or camp anymore, though by the talk of some you might think it. To me, it seems like just one more way to complicated parenting and make it harder than it has to be.
I never saw the popular Disney movie Beauty and the Beast as a child. Recently during our son’s naptime, my husband and I watched it together! Here is what I thought. 🙂
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Before I got pregnant with my son, I had never really heard much about breastfeeding. I knew my little cousins were breastfed, but I also knew a lot of moms who fed their babies formula. In fact, I babysat a baby who drank formula. I actually thought it was really cool, and I had a lot of fun to mix it up and feed it to him and he was always very content about it.
I never believed that breastfeeding or formula was better, or gave any thought to what I would do with my child. That is, until I got pregnant.Continue Reading
When I see, the vile, nasty treatment that mothers give other mothers on the internet, I quickly become spitting mad. The thoughts that follow in this post are the thoughts of Spitting Mad Rebecca (my husband says this is my alter ego, from here on out known as SMR for short). Consider yourselves
I’m going to say something that might be controversial…
Your parenting style doesn’t matter.
I don’t know if I’ve just been blessed with being on EVERY SINGLE corner of the internet where insanity is bred, or maybe I’m just unlucky. Either way, I’ve seen a lot of people argue over the inane things. Politics, I get. Religion, I get. Boobs...seriously? If you are making boobs controversial just to create an argument with someone, you have a problem.
Sorry, was that too harsh? All of this has just eaten my brain, you see. Especially the part that allows me to sympathize with people who enjoy rage porn and mommy wars.Continue Reading
I’ve been told, in no uncertain terms, that it is weird, abnormal and disgraceful that I regard my husband as the head of our household, respect him, and trust him with our son. I’m a disgrace because I trust the man I married to be more than just capable of caring for our toddler. The fact that my husband is involved in our lives despite working 60+ hours a week and sacrifices all of his free time to help me around the house and to give me a break from our son is amazing. But when I say that I appreciate it, when I say I love my husband and praise him for being a strong, loving and wonderful mate? Well, then we have a problem.Continue Reading
Hi there! 🙂
We are coming up on the summer heat here in Oklahoma. This means that I have to get a little creative in order to keep my son cool in our family car, especially since there are no air vents in the backseat! Last year, he had very little control over regulating his own temperature because he was a newborn (and born a bit early). That was scary for me, and for most of that time, I had my husband ride in the backseat with him and take his temperature every few minutes.
Perhaps I was slightly paranoid (first time mom – it happens), but I am less worried about it this year. Not only because he is older, but also because I’ve found several ways to keep him cool in the car without another person constantly monitoring him.
Here are the things I do to keep him cool and safe in the car! I hope that you find them helpful for your little one as well. <3Continue Reading